confinement milestones

Today it is one week since I've been outdoors. I am looking forward to my doctor's appointment tomorrow for no reason other than it means I get to leave the house! This confinement really is for the birds.... Yes, I am getting better and more itchy to get back to my normal life. The past couple days I have been feeling much like my "normal" self, no pain, more energy, etc. Yesterday was the first since the surgery that I did not have to pry my right eye open when I woke. Until then, it had been pasted shut every morning. There is still quite a bit of redness around the eye's perimeter, but the center area is pretty clear. My vision remains blurry and diffused, but colors continue to brighten. When I look upward to put in my eyedrops, I can see the outline of the gas bubble in my eye; the lower edge is slowly moving downward toward the bottom of my eye; at the moment, it's not quite halfway there. The interior of my eye has provided much entertainment for me since this all began. My surgery originally was scheduled for 8:30 pm on the 21st. At 7:00, the nurse came by to tell me it was time to change into my pajamas (yes, another plus about this hospital was no open-backed gowns; I was allowed to bring my own pjs) and to begin the hour-long series of drop insertions. At 8:30, Dr. Rubio stopped by to tell me he had been caught up with an emergency surgery back in Torre del Mar, but that the theatre was being prepared, and they would be ready for me in about thirty minutes. This was welcomed news as I figured the sooner they started, the sooner I could go home. I laid back down on the leather sofa, determined to avoid the hospital bed as long as possible. I could not read or watch TV, so I entertained myself by watching the light show in my eye. The drops turned the little floaty bits in my eye different colors, so I occupied myself for hours watching them move about. I spent a couple hours doing this as I dozed. The phone rang at about 10 pm; it was Dr. Marcos now, telling me he and Dr. Rubio had both been called back to Torre del Mar for another emergency and that I should just sit tight. I went back to the light show in my eye and drifted back to sleep. At almost 1 am, an orderly came and informed me that the doctors were finally ready for me. No more colored bits in my eye, but I can occasionally see the shadow of the bubble in my eye. The doctors told me this would happen, so it's not a worry, but it is strange indeed. The sunlight is too strong for me at the moment, so following Dr. Rubio's advice, I am wearing sunglasses most of the day. Looks so cool with my bandage....I also wonder how long I will continue to wake with lint and dog fur stuck to the adhesive tape residue that seems impossible to remove from my face.... The weather has warmed slightly here, but the temperatures continue to hover near freezing at night. This has created havoc with the crops. We are just coming up on avocado harvest time, and the almond trees had just begun to bloom early last week. Almost of flowered plants that line the village streets have died. Mr. James had a nice birthday. He had dinner with a few of the other contractors at the UN Club. Nokia surprised him with a new fancy mobile phone, one of those little flippy jobs that takes pictures, etc. I had no idea there were still companies out there that even recognized employees' birthdays.... Okay, that's all she wrote for today. Time for my pills and my morning nap.... Hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

happy birthday, mr. james!

Today Mr. James turns 48! Can't believe it really, but one of the things I love about him is that he has no fear of aging. The man started planning his party for the big 5-0 years ago! Happy birthday, Mr. James! love, mylifeinspain

big chill/happy friday!

All of Spain is still in deep freeze. Soon after I finished my post yesterday the full extent of the village's bill chill became evident. Water pipes began to burst in houses all around me. Thankfully Calle Salares 4 was spared. Anyone with even the most basic plumbing skills was called out to help with the mess. Despite the clear sunny skies, umbrellas were needed to walk through the streets because of the runoff from cracked rooftop depositos. I had a busy day yesterday with visits from M.A., L., and U. As much as I appreciated their company, I was worn out by the time they all had left. I don't know whether the medication is making me sleepy or whether my body is working overtime to heal itself, but I am finding both morning and afternoon naps now part of my routine. This is on top of 8 or 9 hours of sleep at night. I checked out my eye this morning. It is slightly less red, which made me happy. I also am beginning to be able to see a little. Images are still out of focus and dark and shadowy, but I can see. And best of all, no more blind spot! Most of my vision should come back within the first month, but it may take two full months before I know precisely how much was saved. All signs have been positive for a near 100% recovery, which makes me very happy. I tend to be most chipper in the morning, when my eye is fully rested, but then become more pathetic as the day goes on and my eye muscles begin to tire. I better understand now while people with ailments tend to talk about them so much; these sorts of things tend to consume one's world as they are experienced. Pretty much everything I do these days is done with consideration of my eye. Very strange indeed, but it is an experience that will make me sincerely more empathetic of others going through health challenges of their own. Have a great weekend, everyone. Stay well! An on the mend mylifeinspain

fighting the boredom/snow!

C. was just by to take the dogs for their morning walk, and he informed me it had snowed during the night! I looked out the kitchen window, and sure enough our little palm is covered with snow. The wind chill is at about 15 degree F, which is just unheard of here. And before you proper Western people say, "That's nothing" remember we have no central heat! I'm toasty, though, in the lounge with the estufa and the pups and kitty cat keeping me company. I am feeling better, not so much pain anymore. The first couple days were the hardest because the eye muscles were sore, and everytime I tried to use my left eye, my right eye moved as well, resulting in an "AGH" response from me. But things seem to be healing well and/or the pain killers have kicked in. I am currently using two kinds of eye drops, an antiinflammatory and an antibiotic, and taking two kinds of tablets, another antibiotic and a moderate pain killer. My body is getting tired of doing nothing, but otherwise I am doing okay. My time on the computer is very limited, so I haven't been able to do much e-mailing. I have tried to do a little book reading, but that still is difficult because I can't scan up and down the pages properly...must look downward at all times. I have seen no faces, just shoes, for a week now. My friend U. washed my hair for me Monday, which made me feel a lot better, and C. has been doing most of my meals. It's just so weird for me to not be able to do any of these things for myself. But I have just had to accept this is my world for the next week or so. I am keeping notes so that I can provide a complete recap when I am able. Okay, my time is up. I am allowed 20 minutes, three times a day, to do "normal" things, ie, brush my teeth, get dressed, etc. Thanks everyone again for the kind messages. I am very lucky I went to the doctor when I did or I could have very well lost the vision in my right eye. The neighbors are also watching out for me. When I returned from the doctor Monday, they were all outside waiting for an update. Almendena can see me in the lounge from her kitchen window, so should I need anything, I only need to call for her. Mr. James is doing okay as well. He was a bit stressed for a few days, but he now is enjoying telling me amusing stories via Skype to help me pass the time. I'll write again soon. hasta luego, mylifeinspain

retina update

Just a quick message to let everyone know I am okay. Please forgive typos because I am only able to see the keyboard. The surgery went off without a hitch. I keep referring to the hospital as the hotel because it was very swank, private room, big leather couch, full restaurant menu, which was a pity because I had no appetite. Was back at the doctor today for a checkup, and Drs. Rubio and Marcos are very pleased. The eye looks perfect, and the retina has already reattached. I have at least 8 more days of "reposo absoluto", and then I believe life can begin to get back to normal. Okay, many more stories to tell but must get back to staring at the ground, so they will have to wait until later. Thank you again for all the good wishes. Hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

vitrectomy

....this is the word from the doctors. The bandaged eyes and rest did nothing to improve my detached retina, so tomorrow evening I have to have a vitrectomy. This entails removing the squishy bit inside my eye, inserting an air bubble, securing everything with a beltlike thing, and me lying on my stomach for two weeks while the retina reattaches itself. Tonight Dr. Rubio also did a bit of laser surgery on my left eye to repair an area where I had some cobwebby thing. This took but five minutes and consisted of several series of flashes that were somewhat painful in a dullish way. Tomorrow I get the good drugs and the general anesthesia. The operation will take about two hours, but I should be able to come home Saturday to begin my two weeks of staring at the ground. Crazy, crazy. You never really know on Monday what the week will bring. M.A. is taking me to the hospital in Malaga and will pick me up Saturday. C. will walk the dogs, and several people have offered to make me food during my reposo. I had to reassure Mr. James that I am okay and do not need him to return from Pakistan to care for me. It is strange experience for me as I have been very lucky in life not to have spent any time in a hospital except for my birth. I have been a pretty healthy, and although this eye problem is very serious, I can think of a gazillion other ailments that I would rather not have. This is an inconvenience more than anything. I also could not ask for nicer doctors. Dr. Rubio and Dr. Marcos have been fabulous, and their care has been top notch. Here's a cultural difference for you: when you enter a waiting room here, it is expected that you say hello to everyone else waiting. Many also sat and chatted about their various ailments. I didn't feel comfortable joining in because I was still blindfolded and couldn't see anyone. As I sat for 45 minutes as the nurses put five different drops in my eyes, the song "As Time Goes By" played twice; I had to chuckle for I do not believe many saw the humor in the choice of waiting room music. Ah well, I am tired and must get a good night of sleep. Tomorrow I need to tidy the house a bit and pack my pajamas. Also, thanks to everyone who has sent e-mails wishing me well. I appreciate everyone's good wishes. Will write again as soon as the docs give me the okay. hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

sad eye

In the words of Gilda Radner, "it's always something." A few days ago, I noticed a blurry spot on the inside of my right eye. Thought it was just a bit on my contact lens. Cleaned my lens, no difference. Put in a new lens, no change. Put on my glasses, nothing. Blind spot still there. Went through the motions for a couple days pretending the problem would resolve itself to no avail. Today mustered up courage to see eye doctor. The first optometrist sent me to an ophthalmologist immediately. They couldn't fit me in until this evening. Long story short, after 3 hours of tests and about eight different eye drops, I have a very detached retina in my right eye. This is a very big deal. I realized how bad it was when the doctor blindfolded my left eye, and all I could see was the last row of letters on the eye chart, nothing at all to the left. The vision in my right eye is almost completely gone at the moment. So, tomorrow morning, I must go the pharmacist and get three different kinds of eye drops. I must put them in, blindfold both eyes, and do nothing but lie on my right side for the next two days. As the ophthalmologist said, I must do as much in bed as possible, including "hacer pee pee". I told him I draw the line at "hacer pee pee". I will crawl to the bathroom if necessary. It's a freaky thing. The doctors kept asking me whether I had been hit or fallen, etc. Nothing like this has happened. I almost wish I had some exciting story to go along with the event, but I do not. I just woke up one morning, and it was this way. I like the doctors very much. The final doctor I spoke with trained at Johns Hopkins, although am not sure how because he speaks very little English. An expat note aside, I am very proud of myself for handling this entire event in Spanish. Apart from the receptionist who spoke a little English, I managed all the tests, medical history, diagnosis, etc. in Spanish. And learned the Spanish word for gauze (gasa), which never came up during my reading of Cervantes in university. The point of me doing nothing for the next two days is that it is possible the retina will reattach itself, or at the very least make the laser surgery, which will be needed otherwise, less complex. The bonus added weirdness to the story is that I should have been spending today and tomorrow editing articles for the journal Optometry and Vision Science, which my doctor subscribes to. So, let's all hope the retina goes back. My father had a detached retina after his cataract surgery a couple years ago. Postsurgery, he had to lie on his stomach for a week. This would drive mylifeinspain absolutely bonkers. But if I had to do it, I would. Just thinking about preparing for the next 48 hours of simulated blindness if enough for me to value my vision tremendously. It's just so strange because I feel fine; I look normal. My eye looks perfectly fine on the exterior. But inside it is a mess, which I got to see on one of the videos the doctor took. okay, must go to bed. Busy day of doing nothing tomorrow. Will post again when the docs say I am able.... hasta luego, mylifeinspain p.s. wish mr. james was here. he is a tremendously good nursemaid, and the poor guy is worried sick.

last night...

I was watching an episode from season 1 of the old television program "Northern Exposure," a Christmas gift from my parents. I loved this show when it first aired, and I appreciate it even more now that I live in a village, which although not as isolated as Cicily, Alaska, has just as many strange and varied characters. Anyway, in last night's program, the transplanted New York doctor has a shipment of bagels flown in to his adopted home. No one, particularly the pilot who picked them up thinking they were urgently needed medical supplies, quite understood his great affection for these bread products. It's difficult to explain the bagel; Joel's Native American nurse Marilyn noted their specialness allegedly lies "in the water" used, although she didn't seem to give this theory much credence as she shook her head in disbelief. That said, I totally related to the doctor, as he gleefully looked over the box of poppy seed, pumpernickel, sesame seed treats, and I found myself wondering whether to defrost one of my precious bagels tucked away in the freezer.... Just popped out to pick up a few things from the weekly market and ran into the village's most recently relocated American and his Spanish wife. Until six months ago, they lived outside of Boston but now have a house at the top of the village. Depending on the outcome of tomorrow's NFL playoff games, we could have an interesting rivalry in a couple weeks. :-) Mr. James sent me a photo of himself yesterday, perched 60 feet in the air on a cell phone mast. Now this gives me worry....Mr. James is not known for his gracefulness, although he assures me he always wears a safety harness. He has also purchased a new laptop for himself, a practical purchase as we can now Skype; the new computer will pay for itself in a few months in what we will save on the phone bill. Okay, must get back to work....go Eagles! hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

happy friday

Somehow almost half of January has flown by already. Am not complaining though; this just means Mr. James will be home all the sooner. :-) It was a quiet week here in the village. The daytime weather has been glorious: sunny, light breeze, and about 64 F. At night, the skies are still clear, but the temperature takes a nosedive. I curl up under the blankets with the dogs, the hot water bottle, and sometimes even the cat to ward off the chill. The sun is beginning to rise noticeably earlier. This morning, there was a peak of light streaming through the skylight at 8:15, just after I had wakened. As much as I know that it is perfectly acceptable for me to sleep in a little later during the winter, I fight it, which I blame on my father. He is one of those sorts who believes one has wasted the better part of the day if one chooses to sleep past 7 am. My brother suffers the guilt as well, often rising early on his day off from work because there's an image permanently running through his head of my father, coming through the backdoor on a Saturday morning after having run an errand or two and upon seeing his children planted on sofas watching cartoons, yelling, "Still in your pajamas, at this hour?!" No particularly exciting plans for this weekend. I am going to crank out some work, clean the house, and perhaps finally finish unpacking the last suitcase from my trip. Sunday evening I have been invited to D. and U.'s for dinner and telly watching. I hope to convince D. to turn off the FA Cup matches for a little while so that I can catch some of the NFL playoffs, which he can tune in on his monstrous satellite dish. Mr. James continues to have a great experience in Pakistan. The work is going well, and his boss is very happy with the progress on his work sites. He continues to make new friends and was even invited to a wedding last weekend. On the subject of weddings, we have been invited to the wedding of his former boss back in Munich, which is taking place in early May. I am fairly certain we will attend. Neither of us has been back to Munich in years, and we very much would like to see our friends D. and S. and Klaus P., as well as Munich itself. Munich is a great city for foodie types. There is the amazing farmer's market, plus many food halls that carry specialties from all over. One could spend an entire week there just exploring these places. The gifts continue to come from Antonio and Iluminada....yesterday they brought me a large sack of lemons from their harvest. I don't know if there is anything Antonio doesn't grow. Have a nice weekend, everyone. hasta manana, mylifeinspain

"i'm not going to read any murder mysteries...

for awhile," says M.A. "Too many people dying." It is true. Since I've been back in the village, just under a week, there have been four deaths that I know of here, and another expat's brother died back in the UK. Included in these four are a husband and wife, who died less than two days apart of different causes. They were only 60 years old. The couple lived next door to M.A., and she knew them better than most people, I suppose. They kept pretty much to themselves and like more than a few expats, drank more than their fair share. I have been thinking about this quite a bit the past few days, why so many of the foreigners here drink so much, at least by American standards. Is it because they are drawn here by the cheap alcohol, or do they start drinking excessively after they arrive? A more than decent bottle of wine costs less than three euros, and a liter box can be had for 70 cents. It is acceptable to drink brandy at any time of the day. For those with an existing propensity to drink, the temptations are endless. For those with too much time on their hands, it is a readily accessible "friend" with whom to pass the hours. For those who have left behind busy lives and find themselves alone with their thoughts for the first time in a long while, and find these thoughts just a little too scary, the drink is always available as a distraction. Being an expat, a foreigner, a stranger is not easy. So many life skills to relearn; so many simple things are now challenges. Almost all ties to one's past are cut, and the proposition of starting over can be frightening to many. I have been in Spain now for almost three years. I still do not speak the language as well as I would like, and I still find I have to psych myself up to handle what would be routine things if I was in the US. I practice the words in my head before I pick up the phone to make a restaurant reservation, go to the bank, ask a store clerk a question. It is not easy, but it is getting better. My bonds with the neighbors grow tighter. I brought them all little gifts from the US, which was a great surprise to them. Even the Herb Thief smiled and gave me two pecks on the cheeks. Yesterday morning there was a knock on the door, and I looked out to see Antonio and Pepe with a jug of their homemade wine, a gift in return. I begin Spanish lessons with my tutor Miguel in February. I spoke with him over the weekend because I need to have conversation practice and review of the more complex verb structures. It takes a long time, how long I still do not know, to feel settled in a foreign land. I may never learn to use all the subjunctive tenses correctly. But I have learned we do need to reach out, and not just for the bottle, if we ever hope to feel a fraction of the acceptance we had back home. hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

back to work

It's back to work and back to school for everyone in the village today, including me. I am ready to get back to it actually. I have a couple of busy weeks coming up as I finish the final projects for my one client. After I resigned, the editor asked what if anything the company could have done better. I was truthful, which is often not a good approach in the business world, and stated the 35% pay decrease, the slow payments, etc. as my main reasons. I suppose the editor didn't like my response because I have received no reply. Oh well. I have been busy this weekend catching up with the neighbors and M.A. Friday night, one of the local bars had a fundraiser for the tsunami relief. They have raised 1300 euros so far, which I think is quite good. In addition to accepting donations, they hosted a raffle. Everyone brought an unwanted Christmas gift for the prizes. I won a bottle of not-so-bad perfume. Last night M.A. and I went out for dinner. We had planned to go to the Indian restaurant in the neighboring village, but in the end neither of us felt like driving, so we went to our regular place in town. M.A. dared to order the chimichanga, and I had grilled swordfish. Braving the scale yesterday for the first time post--US tour, I found myself 2 kg heavier than before my trip; therefore, I skipped a starter and brought a bit of the fish back for C.K. My ever-finicky cat decided while I was away she no longer wanted to eat canned food, this after 18 months of only eating wet food because she had then begun to refuse dry food. Now that I'm back, she's eating both. That's a cat for you. hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

i'm back....

all safe and sound in the village. Very tired at the moment as the journey was just under 23 hours door to door. Warning to those who travel transatlantic at this time of year: be prepared to share plane with many, many study abroad students who are able to drink legally for first time (and free!) and therefore have way too many rum and cokes during the flight! Walked in on one guy who was too drunk to remember to lock the bathroom door. Ah, cannot condemn them too much, though, as I was one of them 16 years ago.... Plan to unpack today and generally clean the house. The pups seemed to have had quite a party in my absence. :-) Am off now to take them to the goat track for a good run. Weather here is warmish during the day but quite chilly at night. C. reported that there was actually a frost a couple nights ago! Mr. James has had his contract extended until at least the end of February, so I will be on my own for another seven weeks. Am okay with this, although I am missing him very much. Have phone date with him planned for later today. Okay, will write more soon, and will post photos as well as I have now mastered the new camera! hasta pronto, mylifeinspain

omaopa

Am spending my last couple days with my parents in PA Dutchland. Had a great New Year's weekend with my sister's family in Maryland. Chuckie Cheese was a big hit with Cora, and I have to say, pretty good pizza there. Sunday I visited my college friend Claudia and her family in the Poconos. She and her husband have just moved into a great new house, just down the road from my old Girl Scout camp Mosey Wood...had total flashback of situpons and smores over the fire, etc. Finally met Claudia's daughter Abby, who will be two next month. Real cutie, too. Last night Cora called us on the telephone, completely her idea to call "omaopa". I was amazed to have a twenty-minute conversation with her....she's only two and a half, but in the past couple of months has begun speaking in sentences, and she talks constantly. She didn't want to give the phone back to my sister either...imagine how she will be when she hits her preteen years! Especially because Cora looks like a very young Reese Witherspoon. Mr. James had a nice New Year's, pretty tame as he was at work at 7 am the next day. Is still loving Pakistan, and his Pindi cough has finally subsided. Received short message from him today that he has moved into a guesthouse, which I think will provide an even more interesting experience, living with a family, etc. Am looking forward to returning to the village and being reunited with our family of pets and seeing M.A. and C. and the rest of the village characters. On the other hand, there have already been many tearful good-byes, and leaving my parents is never easy. I am very much looking forward to 2005. Life is looking so up for Mr. James and me, and for that I am very grateful. I am excited about pursuing some of the things that I have had to put on the back burner for the past few years and to be able to give more of myself back to the world. It has been a wonderful trip here, so many reminders of how lucky we are to have such supportive friends and family. They make returning to Spain and our dreams there far more easier...and possible really. Will write again next from Spain.... hasta luego, a truly blessed mylifeinspain