fifth attempt

Don't think I haven't been wanting to blog because that is not the case. I have four drafts sitting here, but I haven't been able to finish any of them for one reason or another. But this morning's bombing in Islamabad has given me reason to complete this post, just so that everyone knows Big Jim is fine. He and his coworkers were advised earlier in the week to stay indoors today because there is a protest planned in regard to the now acknowledged "mishandling" of the Quran by those lovely people at Gitmo. Well done, folks. You certainly are making the world a safer place. (So when exactly is the Pentagon going to apologize to "Newsweek", that's what I want to know.....) Today's bombing, though, had nothing to do with any anti-American sentiment that may be felt by some Pakistanis. This appears to have been a Sunni/Shia conflict, although both were praying at the mosque when the suicide bomber(s) managed to get inside. But because of the recent events, Big Jim and I have had to put together a fairly complex "plan B" should the situation ever truly get hairy. Nasir (Big Jim's driver) has instructions; some very good Pakistani people have agreed to house BJ if necessary; and I have the contact numbers/e-mails of everyone. It is crazy that we have to think about these things, but as long as we Americans continue to be disrespectful of others, continue to imprison people without charging them with a crime or giving them access to legal representation, as long as we continue to listen to people like Bill O'Reilly, who recently said that Hitler would have been a card-carrying ACLU member---what can I say. We are not making friends on the playground. So another thing going on, I am trying really hard not to smoke. Other than a minor digression last night, I haven't been smoking since Monday. The first couple days were hell, but I'm doing better now. Rather than thinking about cigarettes constantly, I now only think about them every 5 or 10 minutes. However, I do feel like I am on speed or hyped up on lots of coffee. And I am saying "fuck" a lot, which is a word I typically reserve for the occasional added emphasis and is not part of my daily vernacular. So I don't know what that's all about, but I am being "gentle" with myself and not sweating it. I decided to do this while Big Jim was away, sparing him my withdrawal and associated side effects. I do love my husband. :-) And I promised my smoking friends here I will not become one of the horrible reformed smokers. In my heart, I will always be a smoker, and should I live to be 75 or so, I may start again, assuming of course that one is still allowed to smoke 38 years from now....like I said, I will always be a smoker. Even when I am not smoking. True smokers, even reformed ones, understand what I am saying. Those who don't, well, you fall into the non-true-smoker category, and you will never understand the appeal. And that's okay. Just don't anyone try to encourage me, or tell me that if I have willpower this should be a cinch. Or that smoking is disgusting, unhealthy, etc., etc. Given my current propensity to curse, I will probably tell you to fuck off. I appreciate the support, really, I do. But do me a favor and keep it to yourself. If you want to help, send me boxes of Altoids and Big Red gum. They are my new best friends. :-) Okay, I must get to work now, as the construction workers next door appear to be on break and there finally is QUIET. Have a nice weekend. hasta pronto, mylifeinspain