a day in the life of martin (4-year-old grandson of almendena, my neighbor)

5:45 am: Wake up. What day is today? Domingo. Yay, we are going to see the abuelos. 5:50 am: Wake up Julia, my 2-year-old sister, and Mama and Papa. Tell them that it is domingo, and we have to go see the abuelos right away. 5:55 am: Cry and throw fit #1 of the day when Mama tells me to go back to bed because we are not going to the abuelos until later. 5:56 am: Pee in my PJs just to make Mama and Papa mad. 5:58 am: Mama makes me take bath. I scream the entire time. 6:15 am: Poke Julia, trying to make her cry, while I wait for Mama to make me my churros and Cola Cao. 6:30 am: Eat half of my churros, but do not drink my Cola Cao. Tell Mama I want it hot, like her coffee, not this cold crap she has given me. Mama yells at me for saying bad word, makes me sit on the bad boy chair. I scream/cry in protest. 6:45 am: Am allowed off of the bad boy chair. I try to wake up Papa so that we can play with my new football. He doesn't seem to want to wake up, so I sit on top of him and scream in his ear. That worked. :-) 7:15 am: Papa and I are kicking around the football, but that damn Julia now wants to play too. No way! I push her out of the way as I run to make my goal, yay me! 7:16 am: I am back in the bad boy chair, crying. It's not fair. I didn't push her that hard. She's just being a big baby. I am going to throw fit #2 of the day, that will show 'em. 8:00 am: Yay! We are all buckled into our safety seats and on our way to see the abuelos. I know they can't wait to see us! 8:30 am: Why do the abuelos and my aunt Maria Cruz look so sleepy? Aren't they happy to see me? I was a good boy the entire car trip, except for the one time I pinched Julia, but she deserved it anyway. Abuela, da me Cola Cao! 8:45 am: Eat more churros that the abuela has made. Hers are better than Mama's, but I can't say that or Mama gets mad. Dammit, though, this Cola Cao is cold! Why doesn't anyone listen to me?! Throw fit #3 of the day, pound on front door for emphasis of my frustration. 9:00 am: Am forced to lie down on Aunt Maria Cruz's bed to take nap. Not gonna do it. Just going to scream/cry until they come to their senses... 9:20 am: Continue scream/cry...can't they hear me? WTF? 9:32 am: Am getting sleepy..... 11:30 am: Mama wakes me up. We have to go to 12:00 mass. Screw that. Begin to voice my disagreement, and the abuela sticks a Chupa lollipop in my month. Cherry, my favorite. Yum.... 12:06 pm: The mass crap is BORING. Will pinch Julia. Hee hee, she's crying. EYEE! The mean Aunt Maria Cruz pinched me back. I am going to cry and throw fit #4 of the day. 12:08 pm: Works every time. Papa and I are off to Perico's, where THEY know how to make me a proper Cola Cao. Papa always get something yucky called brandy with his coffee. Papa gives me a bunch of shiny coins and lets me play the slot machine. 12:42 pm: Mama is here. Mass is over, and she and Papa are having a fight because he's drinking that gross brandy stuff. I take the opportunity to give Julia a smack and then hide under the table where the really old guys are playing dominos. 1:00 pm: Back at the abuelos' house. The abuela is busy in the kitchen; abuelo and Papa are watching football on the tellie; and Mama, Maria Cruz, Julia, and I are singing the TV commercial for Cola Cao as well as my favorite kiddie song, which is all about chocolate. I love chocolate.... 2:00 pm: Which is why I am now throwing fit #5 of the day. Abuela just gave me my plate, and do you think there are any churros or chocolate of any kind on it?! No, what is this pork roast crap? And patatas a lo pobre and carrots?! Are they kidding me?! They must be joking if they think I am going to eat any of this stuff. To show my extreme dissatisfaction, I pick up the plate and throw it on the floor. 2:01 pm: That plate throwing didn't go over too well. Everyone's mad at me now. I must get out of here. Pound incessantly on front door, waiting for someone to hear my pleas for help and rescue me. Where's that nice American neighbor with the two dogs? She'll surely understand my plight.... 3:15 pm: I won in the end, hee hee. Got a hamburger specially made and some nice chocolate-covered bisquits for dessert. Now we are off to the playground, where they have some cool swings, and then we have to go visit great-aunt Conchita, who is the abuela's sister. She can talk almost as loud as the abuela and makes even better churros! 3:47 pm: Back at the abuelos' house. I am in trouble again. Yeah, what's new, I know. I pushed Julia too hard on the swing and she fell and cried. It wasn't my fault, but nobody believed me. So now I am back at the house, supposed to be resting while abuelo and Papa watch more football on TV. And that damn Julia is going to get all of Conchita's churros. It's just not fair. If I had the energy, I would throw fit #6 of the day, but I am just too sleeeppppppyyyyy.... 6:02 pm: Wake up from nap. Abuelo and Papa are now asleep in front of the tellie. Where's the abuela? She'll make me some much-needed Cola Cao. "ABUELA!! ABUELA!! Where are you?" 6:04 pm: Find the abuela on the roof terrace, taking down the wash and chatting to that funny-talking American lady with the two dogs. The dogs are scary, and one of them is like twice as big as me. And all furry, too. I can't hear what abuela is saying because she is whispering, but I think she is talking about me. Probably what a good handsome little grandson I am. :-) I tug on her skirt to get her attention. Abuela, necesito mas Cola Cao! 6:07 pm: Am now throwing fit #6 of the day because Mama and Papa say I can't have any more Cola Cao until tomorrow. Meanies! I will show them. Will pound on the abuelos' front door until their ears bleed.... 6:11 pm: Papa, Maria Cruz, Julia, and I are outside playing with the beachball that the abuelos keep for "special occasions", like when I hit #6 on the daily fit-o-meter. 6:27 pm: Oh no! It's the cousins, Estrella and Rosana. Ugh. I can't stand the cousins. They think they are so big just because they are like 9 and 7. Rosana used to be cool, but since she started the colegio, she's been no fun and all bossy. If they even think twice about joining in on our fun..... 6:58 pm: NOW what is Estrella up to? Crap. She has brought that stupid jumprope with her! She and Rosana like to show off with that dumb rope because they know I can't do it like they can. Mama says I have to wait until I get more coordination or whatever that means. 7:04 pm: I am in trouble again and have been sent inside to the abuela. Estrella stuck her tongue out at me, so I threw the ball and it hit her in the head. I don't know what the fuss is about; it's just a silly beachball and not hard or anything. I cried a little but decided against throwing a fit because I figure if I play my cards right and behave while the abuela reads me a book, maybe I can convince her to give me a bisquit or another Cola Cao. Wink, wink. 7:51 pm: No such luck. I have sat through THREE stupid stories, but the abuela won't give me anything. Says it will spoil my dinner...mean lady. Why does everyone have to be so mean?! 8:03 pm: BINGO! The abuela just gave me a new Hot Wheels car because I have been such a good boy. I knew I could get something out of her! Wahoo, am going outside to show the stupid cousins and Julia my new car. It's red with big fat wheels. 8:05 pm: Am throwing fit #7 of the day because that mean Estrella took my Hot Wheels and hid it and won't give it back. 8:06 pm: Hee hee, that worked well. Estrella and Rosana have been sent home. Good riddance. 8:45 pm: Finally the abuela has made some decent food: fish fingers and French fries. Normally, dinnertime is when I would have fit #8, but the abuela did good for once. 9:14 pm: Mama and Papa say we have to go home, but I am not ready to leave. Have cleverly hidden Julia's diaper bag in Aunt Maria Cruz's bedroom, hee hee. 9:32 pm: "No Mama, I really don't know where Julia's diaper bag is." I love when a plan comes together. :-) 9:47 pm: Crap, they found the diaperbag, and now we really are going home. Papa has gone to get the car, and we are waiting for him outside the abuelos' house. Oh, here comes that American lady with the dogs. Abuela always says those dogs are better behaved than me. Let's see how well behaved that little one is if I just pull on his tai....Oops, abuela caught me. "Abuela, let go of my ear! Mama!!!" 10:02 pm: Wave good-bye to the abuelos and Maria Cruz. "See you next domingo!!!!" I wonder why they always roll their eyes when I say that? 10:40 pm: Insist on wearing my Spiderman pajamas or threaten to throw fit #8. Drift off to sleep, dreaming of endless cups of hot Cola Cao.....