rainy friday

Well my wallow-in-self-pity party was to have ended today, but I am feeling less up to snuff this morning than I did yesterday. Perhaps it's the rain...perhaps it's because I know there will be no IM'd "good morning" from Big Jim. He's handling everything much better than I, which is good because my depression is enough for one family. I will snap out of it soon enough, but at this moment I feel as though the world has played a very cruel joke on us. I need to feel what I feel and then move on and buck up. I think it's been easier for Big Jim to put into perspective because he's been there and seen the chaos first hand, been able to talk to coworkers about the problems. He also had a very enlightening exit interview, the contents of which I can't go into here for confidentiality reasons, but suffice to say, it was positive. Big Jim says he's learned a lot from the experience and is enthusiastically ready to move on. In my heart I know that if Big Jim had stayed in that position long term it would have been detrimental to his sanity and overall health and that it was not a good place for him (or few others frankly). I realize we are fortunate he had not signed a lease on an apartment; had he done so, we would be in a far worse situation. In the end, we have a bit more money in the bank than before, and Big Jim has more good experience on his CV. I will eventually get to the point when I can look back at this as not just another disappointment in the sea of disappointments that has been our past few years. Big Jim is spending the next few days packing and moving some things to storage with our friend G.---a microwave, a heater, some clothes, the wine he's been making. He'll then be a tourist for a couple days in Amsterdam before he comes back Thursday morning. He's already applied for more than 80 jobs and has contacted his old agent friend G.R. I plan to have a quiet weekend here. NaNoWriMo begins Monday, so I want to work on some outlines and storylines that have been running through my head. Given my current mood, I wouldn't want to be someone who has crossed me recently because some incarnation of that may end up in the novel in a most unflattering light. Yes, I think my efforts this year will have a decidedly darker theme. I've been encouraging Big Jim to participate in NaNoWriMo, and I think now that he'll have more time available, he may actually do it. Well, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to type. Mr. Beebs is sleeping across my lap, and now C.K. has made herself comfortable between my arms, in front of the computer, such that I can only see the tips of my fingers, the rest of the keyboard obscured by her gray and black stripes. Have a nice weekend. hasta pronto, mylifeinspain