the best christmas present ever

Besides the benefits of solitude and quiet I receive from getting up early in the morning, there is an added bonus---no flies! One aspect of living in a warm climate that I never considered before moving here was the summer proliferation of flies. One's lifestyle changes dramatically the day the season's first flies appear. They are young charges, recently birthed, small and slow, and can be dealt with quite easily. It's the strong ones who survive that continue to torture us in mid-July. These guys are feisty and conniving and must be not be underestimated. The fly covers are immediately brought out. These are woven wire domes that are placed over bowls of fruit, plates of chicken, etc. to keep the food free of flies. We immediately stop reusing glasses and coffee mugs throughout the day; the sight of two flies chasing one another around the rim of my juice cup quickly sends me to the dishwasher for a replacement glass. The Spanish have an effective fly-management tool: the beaded curtain. The majority of homes in our village have some form of beaded curtain hanging at their front door, which allows people to either keep open just their door windows or the door itself for air circulation without worrying about armies of flies invading. Some curtains are made of actual beads, whereas others comprise long twisted plastic strips. We have also seen some made of old wine corks, which Big Jim and I liked very much. Therefore, we have been saving our own corks ever since and should have enough soon to start stringing them. Despite our best efforts, some of the nasty buggers do manage to make it into the house and multiply very quickly. Big Jim, being the traditional hunter/gatherer male personality, takes their raid on our property personally. The first summer he valiantly fought them off with a traditional flyswatter, but despite his heroic efforts, the flies won many a battle. I became accustomed to flies sitting on my fingers as a typed away on my laptop. Flies could run up and down my legs, and I wouldn't flinch. I attempted to overcome them from the psychological angle. The following December I was online doing some Christmas shopping, and I came across the holy grail of flyswatters---the handheld zapper. The zapper looks like a standard tennis racquet, but instead of the traditional netting, the tightly woven "strings" are electrified wires. I immediately thought of Big Jim and decided I would get him one as a gag Christmas present. One Christmas Day, the zapper was a huge hit. Big Jim and our friends G. and T., who were spending the holidays with us, spent hours stalking and eliminating the heartiest of flies who had lived through to December. They were no match for the zapper. Big Jim exclaimed, "Honey, this is the best Christmas present ever!, " and he has repeated this sentiment many times in the past 18 months. He now carries the zapper with him around the house. While Big Jim is waiting for a new pot of coffee to brew, he kills the flies in the kitchen. He has developed good technique with the zapper, and he especially loves the poppy, crackling noise it makes when he successfully targets a fly in midflight. "Did you hear that one?" Big Jim yells excitedly up from dining room. I smile to myself, amazed that the novelty of this Christmas present has not worn off. The cashmere sweaters are packed away, and the carefully chosen books and DVDs are stacked collecting dust; it's the electronic fly zapper that earned me another tiny corner of Big Jim's heart. Go figure. hasta manana, mylifeinspain